me and my career

supposed to go for my on-job evaluation today at starbucks...full of expectations abt how much fun i would be havign going back to an environment that i once loved...cant wait to pull my first shot of expresso..chat wif my first customer...have fun at a job that i once had 6 yrs ago...then....

i woke up late!!! supposed to be at work at 10am and i woke up at 955am!!! damn! called the manager, apologise and cooked up some stupid excuse abt having to go back to the office..hehe...

reached there at 1045am...apologise...manager brief me abt where the stuff are kept...wat i'm supposed to do..blah blah...
well, basically..i'm supposed to be working like a regular barista..only this time i'll be scrutinized by the manager from head to toe....
time passed...clear a few tables...talk a bit of cok...made a few frap..(wah liew! must they make the drink calling for frap so tongue twisting??!!)...wash dishes..(wah liew! damn f*#king heavy leh!)...
i'm day dreaming...cant wait for time to pass...finding things to do...this whole thing is getting on my nerves...i dunno wat to talk to the customers abt...i dun even know wat to talk to my partners abt...cant wait for this to end...

4pm! finally....had a debrief with the manager...i'm outta here...
as i walked away...i realised...i'm too old for this...i've no longer the energy to be at 5 places at the same time, talking to the customers like they are my best frens...my body's aching like mad! i feel that i really need a shower to get rid of the coffee smell...

that's it...i'm back to my comfortable office..with aircon..where i can sit and do my work! even if it means i get paid peanuts!

me and love

i've to say...in my love life...i've been thru more than anyone i noe... the guys i dated, the men i once loved... in fact...my life is all about love..love for my family and the love that i seek... once, i went to see a tarot card reader..she said that i was placed on this earth to learn about love and to seek it...and i believe so...
But i believe that now i've found it..true love...yes..for the first time in my life..i can actually say that! i used to wonder..how do anyone know whether u have found the right person...is it this magic feeling they talk about in "Sleepless in Seattle"? then how am i supposed to know that the feeling you get is the 'magic' they talk about? sparks flying? tingling feeling dwn ur spine when u kiss? i think it's when 2 persons are tog and it's all about comfort and being yourself...and when he calls, unknowingly, u start smiling...when both of you are chatting on the net... u find urself grinning at ur pc...everytime u are tog... time passes and yet u dunno it... everytime u are apart, u feel that something is missing and u cant wait for the time when u meet again so that everything will fall into place... at the same time, u will sense a little fear...fear that something might happen and things might not be the same anymore...not as perfect...but yet, it's ok...cos you know that with love, and wif him, you'll be able to go thru anything...well, i truly believe that "love conquers everything".

now i noe...i've found him..the one i've been searching for the entire time...the one i've been waiting for...

darling...loving u is everything i do now...and it's everything i wanna do..

it's been almost 2 months

it's been almost 2 months since i last went to church... i dunno wat is going thru my mind sometimes... i miss the feeling of being able to be at an environment where i can connect with God, an environment where i can feel the love for God from the people around me...but sad to say, at the same time, I feel really out of place in church... I noe u guys have been trying to encourage me back to church... but i sincerely think that it's jus something that I have to go thru alone... I miss you all...the blading, the eating, the cok tokking... and of cos our cell group meetings together... but at the same time... I do feel that I cannot fit in... my tots and beliefs are so different.. I'm not as 'proper' nor 'decent'... anyhow...when the day i'm back...it's because i feel that i can finally fit in the group and feel comfortable... and I hope that when the day comes, u guys will still welcome me like you did before...au revoir!

alcoholic?

haha...i've managed to stick at only 2 drinks for a mth alreadi! yes...to lots of ppl...it may seem to be dumb..but to me it's an achievement...for someone who had so much drinks one day tat she forgot how many valium she's had and almost died of overdose...it is an achievement...i guess staying totally free from alcohol is something i will not aim for...it's not only because i know i cannot do it...but because i still like the occasional taste of a kilkenny or a bombay tonic..well well..i do strongly believe that too much of ANY thing is bad...even if it's the best thing in the world..with the best intentions...which reminds me of my frens..i know u guys have the best intentions for my health and state of mind...but believe me...some issues can only be sorted out perosnally and with the interruptions from u...it'll make things worse..